• AnonymousHi, I just thought I'd say that you're one of the strongest "women" I know. My family lost my cousin nearly 3 years ago due to cancer, and he was 15.. But you still seem so bright and happy. My aunt and my other cousins always use the excuse as "My brother/son is dead, you except me to do that?!" I was wondering if it was normal or if it's just them thinking of themselves?
  • Thank you :) also, everyone grieves in their own way.. I lost my princess when she was a few hours old. Now, I miss her dearly, and my love runs deeper than the depths of all the ocean and far greater than the universe itself. Without hesitation, I would give my own life to have her back with my husband and my son.

    However, I was also blessed with a little boy, a healthy baby boy, who couldn’t be any more PERFECT! He is the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart. Just holding him, gives me butterflies. I am indefinitely in love with my son, and although it hurts to not have my daughter here, I know she wants me to be happy for her brother.

    Not that I love my daughter any less, because we have an unbreakable bond, but your cousin was 15.. He has spent much more time with his family. Memories have been made. I’ve grown my daughter and held her, but I didn’t have 15 years with her.

    Understandably, the grieving process would be much longer. Also, cancer is a horrible thing. I’m sure they fought hard, and losing the battle can bring on many emotions. I don’t think they are being selfish. I think they are grieving the loss of their son/brother, who they have 15 years of memories made and time spent with.

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I’ll never punish my daughter for saying no.

The first time it comes out of her mouth, I’ll smile gleefully. As she repeats “No! No! No!” I’ll laugh, overjoyed. At a young age, she’ll have mastered a wonderful skill. A skill I’m still trying to learn. I know I’ll have to teach her that she has to eat her vegetables, and she has to take a nap. But “No” is not wrong. It is not disobedience.

1. She will know her feelings are valid.
2. She will know that when I no longer guide her, she still has a right to refuse.

The first time a boy pulls her hair after she says no, and the teacher tells her “boys will be boys,” we will go to her together, and explain that my daughter’s body is not a public amenity. That boy isn’t teasing her because he likes her, he is harassing her because it is allowed. I will not reinforce that opinion. If my son can understand that “no means no” so can everyone else’s.

3. She owes no one her silence, her time, or her cooperation.

The first time she tells a teacher, “No, that is wrong,” and proceeds to correct his public school, biased rhetoric, I’ll revel in the fact that she knows her history; that she knows our history. The first time she tells me “No” with the purpose and authority that each adult is entitled, I will stop. I will apologize. I will listen.

4. She is entitled to her feelings and her space. I, even a a parent, have no right to violate them.
5. No one has a right to violate them.

The first time my mother questions why I won’t make her kiss my great aunt at Christmas, I’ll explain that her space isn’t mine to control. That she gains nothing but self doubt when she is forced into unwanted affection. I’ll explain that “no” is a complete sentence. When the rest of my family questions why she is not made to wear a dress to our reunion dinner. I will explain that her expression is her own. It provides no growth to force her into unnecessary and unwanted situation.

6. She is entitled to her expression.

When my daughter leaves my home, and learns that the world is not as open, caring, and supportive as her mother, she will be prepared. She will know that she can return if she wishes, that the real world can wait. She will not want to. She will not need to. I will have prepared her, as much as I can, for a world that will try to push her down at every turn.

7. She is her own person. She is complete as she is.

I will never punish my daughter for saying no. I want “No” to be a familiar friend. I never want her to feel that she cannot say it. She will know how to call on “No” whenever it is needed, or wanted.

Lessons I Will Teach, Because the World Will Not — Y.S. (via poetryinspiredbyyou)

xgomezxaddamsx

(via nai-volva)

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